Fortune Cookie Messages I Wish I Would Have Gotten a Year Ago

Why wait to reacquaint those arms with the resistance band?

Smoked gouda. Try it already!

Break heart before yours does?

You’re enough. You deserve quality.

Learn to play the harmonica while you still know a bunch of people who play banjo and every other stringed instrument.

Institute ladies’ poker night immediately.

The world is full of bastards, the number increasing rapidly the farther one gets from Missoula, Montana.

Be full with flawfully perfect human wholeness.

Get to Yellowstone this winter, while it’s still only 4 hours away. Just go.

Find out why BRab loves Timothy Olyphant and start watching Deadwood right now.

Find out why BRab loves Jim Harrison and start reading his work right now.

Get ready to find out what happens while you’re busy making other plans.

No, you’re never too broke to buy a new bra.

When you find a pain au chocolat that you like, carpe pain.

Write more funny stuff.

Looks like a douchebag? Acts like a douchebag? Txts like douchebag? DOUCHEBAG.

No, they won’t have an undefeated season.

Might as well just go ahead and start hating the stupid New York Giants right now.

Take heart, you will always be fly like a cheesehead.

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